17 years

hi all,
respect and bless all of you.
i'm exhausted. twins, premature, one overdosed causing bowel perf., 2/3 small intestine, grade 4 brain bleed. got broviac out in oct. 2011. still has g-tube, colostomy, seizures, brain injury. was healthier twin at birth. was creative writer. got another degree and am now r.n.. so unhappy and scared. husband is now the primary, w/ some nursing support and i work nites in hematology/oncology and sometimes am floated to g.i. floor. so hard but it has become all i am good at and we need the money. we sued hospital but amount small and important for son when we die.
i drink to not feel pain. does anyone suggest something, yes i have tried a.a. but something that can keep me from spiraling that may be a different therapy? i am in huge pain.
thanks if you have any suggestions.
sarah